I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You're like the curious george of whores
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
