Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
