he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
