remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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