here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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