is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
