dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
ttyl tear gas
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
