My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
