I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
