just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it was like eating out sand paper
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
