none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
