he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
