Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
