People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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