Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
