so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
