The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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