Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
