Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Randomize
