piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
