the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
