I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
