So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He shit in the fireplace
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize