at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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