Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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