I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
