I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
