There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
