i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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