I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
