What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
