you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
