I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
