it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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