she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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