I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
