Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
