how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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