it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
