now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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