The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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