Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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