Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
