She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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