I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
