do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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