Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I want her autograph on my taint
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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