Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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