Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
