I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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