I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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