I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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