sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
