Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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