I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
