The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
