so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
