his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
