I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
