i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
