The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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