I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
