it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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