Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Quick, to the slutcave!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
