I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
