I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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