Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
