Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
