What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you still have your period?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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