Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We're like a lot better than the average bears
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
