just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize