This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
