I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
