I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
