there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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